So I have had a couple of bad experiences with other people's lack of commitment and consideration this summer.
I started a mother-daughter book club this summer for Sassafrass and some of her friends and their mothers. I asked about 10 mother-daughter pairs if they wanted to participate. Everyone seemed really excited about it. I said to each mother from the start that I wouldn't feel hurt if they did not want to participate, but to let me know right away. We only met three times the entire summer and only read three short children's novels. I asked everyone for their vacation schedule so that I could plan out 3 dates during the summer when everyone could meet. So the total commitment aside from the reading was 4 1/2 hours. Only three mother-daughter pairs consistently attended. The others did not read the book in time (although they had an entire month to read it each time) or had lame excuses of why they couldn't come (and always after the fact when I would run into them in town). I was really irritated because I put a lot of effort into making sure everyone knew about each book and each meeting (I set up a Mother-Daughter book club blog for goodness sake with all the information on it) and went so far as to send out reminder emails and sometimes phone calls. What I wish is that those flaky people would have just said that they couldn't commit to reading and the meetings in the first place.
Just say no if you are not interested in something. There is no shame in it. I do it all the time. My friend asked me if I wanted to try rowing this summer and I just told her I wasn't interested right away instead of saying maybe and then causing her to wonder if I was really interested or not. It is kinder to say no than to say maybe or yes and then flake on someone.
Another instance was HotDog's 5th birthday party. He had a Kung Fu Panda/Chinese theme and my mother and I put a ton of effort into his party. We invited 12, 7 said they were coming and only 3 showed up. HotDog didn't care, but I sure did. I made a Devil's Food cake from scratch and decorated it to look like a panda face. I made goodie bags out of Chinese Takeout boxes and printed thank you in Chinese on them. I went so far as to have my mom bring Chinese candy from Chinatown with her to put in the goodie bags. I filled up about 200 water balloons for the kids to throw at Tai Lung (Beau Brummel) as they chased him around the yard. My mom taught them a little lesson on all the wonderful things that were invented in China (she's a Montessori preschool teacher) and then taught them some Tai Chi. We all dressed up in Chinese clothes and we prepared some Chinese food. And only three kids showed up! I happened to see one of the kids who was invited a few days later. Her mother said, "I meant to call you about HotDog's party. I couldn't open the invitation." (It was a word document that I emailed out). She had my number. Why didn't she call? What a LAME excuse. I partially blame myself. I should have called the night before to get a head count, but I thought that might be rude or pushy, but I know now that for a summer event you really have to brand the date and time in people's brains if you want them to show up.
For Jedi's party we had to pay something like $18/kid in advance so we really needed to know ahead of time who was coming. I sent the invites out 2 weeks in advance and one of his friends never responded. I was in a pickle: should I give their spot to someone else? What if they never told me they were coming, but showed up on the day? They ended up emailing me a few days later saying they were sorry they couldn't come. That information would have been helpful BEFORE the party. We ended up letting our other children each invite a friend and paying extra for one of them which was fine, that made them happy.
I hate that this kind of stuff makes me so angry, but for those of you who know me well, you know that I put my heart and soul into my projects and parties. I think I should stop doing this because it ends up to be really disappointing because people are such flakes nowadays. I guess my problem is that I am sort of a show-off. What would be the point of making a party super cool if only my family were there to enjoy it? What is your view on this? Should I just choose my friends and children's friends more wisely (flakes need not apply)? Should I just have family birthday parties? Should I celebrate my son's half birthdays during the school year instead? Should I become a hermit? Am I crazy to let other people's flakiness ruin my events? What say you?
