Research has shown that Firstborns have it the toughest. I totally agree that my older sister got the worst of everything because my parents didn't know how to deal with each totally new thing as it came up. Read the article and tell me what you think.
I have a unique situation in that my sister was 5 years older than me and some of the time we lived with different parents. Once she was out I got it the hardest as the oldest kid in the house even though I think I was a pretty good kid in a lot of ways. I never drank or did drugs or had sex or shoplifted and really what else is there?
I am trying not to be that way with Jedi, but I don't know how. It does seem like since he is the oldest he should know better, but why?
Are any of you oldest kids? Did it seem like the oldest in your families had it the hardest?
4 comments:
I'm an oldest child and I think that it's true that in some ways we have it worse. Youngest kids get more relaxed parents and, often, different rules. However, oldest children get a lot of undivided parental attention at different stages of life. I don't know that I would change my birth order. I like being the oldest.
I recently read an abstract of a study saying that oldest kids got twice as much attention (measured in parental hours) than younger kids.
But I totally agree that firstborns, or anyone who ends up being cast in that role, have it rough. I am a first born and , like Opal*Q, never had sex, stole, lied, did drugs, etc. as a teenager but my parents were still really hard on me and completely flipped out over really small stuff ALL of the time. I wanted to have my ears pierced when I was 10 or 11, and I might as well have told my dad that I had a 30 year old boyfriend. I once got a ride home from someone my parents did not like very much (but definitely not dangerous/pedophile/drunk) and my parents acted like I'd stayed out all night doing drugs. When I was little, I felt that my parents would not love me if I was not perfect. As it turns out, I think that my dad did love my siblings less because they weren't obedient robots and I find this terribly upsetting. Kids will make mistakes and parents need to respond appropriately and still love them. I'm really trying to have a little perspective with Headbanger.
OK, I must admit I did lie a lot, but only because my parents had such a twisted view of what was acceptable. I think I lied most about food and going to the doctor.
I was grounded once for eating plain Doritos and had candy hidden in the most unlikely places (down one of the posters on a four poster bed) in my room.
My parents didn't want me to take any kind of medication and my medical records and bills showed that the doctor had written annovulation because I was having irregular periods so he put me on birth control which is required if you take Accutane. They assumed that I was pregnant and instead of being relieved that I wasn't pg when I explained things, they were angry that I was taking prescription medication to clear up my acne!
So you can see why I felt I had to lie sometimes. I know it was wrong, but If I didn't lie occasionally I would have gone crazy. I am still amazed that I am not obese. Thank goodness for my Filipina genes as well.
On reflection, I too had to tell a few white lies so that my parents wouldn't freak out about really unimportant things. If your children have to lie about Doritos and candy, you know its bad!
My parenting creed: Don't Be Crazy.
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