I went on a longish (18 mile) bike ride with a good friend of mine early this morning, let's call her Farrah Funtime. It was relaxing because it had some gentle hills and stimulating because Farrah Funtime is a great conversationalist. We talked a little about a friend of ours (let's call her Wanda Wish-a-lot) who is always saying that she wishes she could just wake up and be someone else that she really admires. Farrah Funtime was saying that she would like to say to Wanda Wish-a-lot that instead of wishing to be someone else she should just love herself and if she really wants to, she can work on developing the qualities she admires in other people. What a great piece of advice!
I feel like for a long time I was doing some similar wishing, but just not verbalizing how I felt. I got tired of listening to my own pathetic mind-whine. Gradually, I just starting do the things I really wanted to do and being who I wanted to be.
I think it makes a big difference that we are somewhere we hope is permanent and can put out little friendship rootlets without fear of moving in a year or two like we have been during our whole married life. My kids are all old enough to entertain each other or themselves and are actually fun for me to play with.
I am finally starting to be the spunky woman I have always wanted to be, a facilitator if you will. Instead of just thinking about being a cyclist, I am a cyclist. Instead of wishing I could get together with friends more, I make it happen or accept other people's invitations and let the housework hang (until the house starts to smell, then I do an intervention). I think it is so important for women to do things that they enjoy for themselves that have absolutely nothing to do with the house, or husband or kids. Farrah Funtime was saying that it is good for kids to see their mothers doing things that they enjoy for themselves so that they know it is healthy for women to have interests outside of the home.
Here are some things I enjoy: cycling, reading until I can't keep my eyes open, knitting, sewing, making earrings, cooking exotic foods, playing board games, laying out, scrapbooking, decorating cupcakes, blogging and trying to grow vegetables. I guess a lot of those things have to do with my family, but you will notice that cleaning and childcare are nowhere in sight.
What do you all enjoy? What are some new things you want to try? What do you plan to do with your life once your children are grown? (I plan on becoming a children's/Young Adult Librarian in a school or possibly opening my own cupcakery.) What makes you glad to be alive? Get out there and do it! Find a babysitter, it is worth the money or babysitting trades to feel like your life isn't just an endless stream of diapers, dishes and laundry. I challenge you to make time for yourself to do something you already really enjoy or take up something new.
I think I might start a local women's cycling group. Beau Brummel is kind of a nay-sayer at this point because he thinks I am spreading myself too thin. But I say, nay to you Beau! Life is for living and I am going to live my brains out.
