I went on a longish (18 mile) bike ride with a good friend of mine early this morning, let's call her Farrah Funtime. It was relaxing because it had some gentle hills and stimulating because Farrah Funtime is a great conversationalist. We talked a little about a friend of ours (let's call her Wanda Wish-a-lot) who is always saying that she wishes she could just wake up and be someone else that she really admires. Farrah Funtime was saying that she would like to say to Wanda Wish-a-lot that instead of wishing to be someone else she should just love herself and if she really wants to, she can work on developing the qualities she admires in other people. What a great piece of advice!
I feel like for a long time I was doing some similar wishing, but just not verbalizing how I felt. I got tired of listening to my own pathetic mind-whine. Gradually, I just starting do the things I really wanted to do and being who I wanted to be.
I think it makes a big difference that we are somewhere we hope is permanent and can put out little friendship rootlets without fear of moving in a year or two like we have been during our whole married life. My kids are all old enough to entertain each other or themselves and are actually fun for me to play with.
I am finally starting to be the spunky woman I have always wanted to be, a facilitator if you will. Instead of just thinking about being a cyclist, I am a cyclist. Instead of wishing I could get together with friends more, I make it happen or accept other people's invitations and let the housework hang (until the house starts to smell, then I do an intervention). I think it is so important for women to do things that they enjoy for themselves that have absolutely nothing to do with the house, or husband or kids. Farrah Funtime was saying that it is good for kids to see their mothers doing things that they enjoy for themselves so that they know it is healthy for women to have interests outside of the home.
Here are some things I enjoy: cycling, reading until I can't keep my eyes open, knitting, sewing, making earrings, cooking exotic foods, playing board games, laying out, scrapbooking, decorating cupcakes, blogging and trying to grow vegetables. I guess a lot of those things have to do with my family, but you will notice that cleaning and childcare are nowhere in sight.
What do you all enjoy? What are some new things you want to try? What do you plan to do with your life once your children are grown? (I plan on becoming a children's/Young Adult Librarian in a school or possibly opening my own cupcakery.) What makes you glad to be alive? Get out there and do it! Find a babysitter, it is worth the money or babysitting trades to feel like your life isn't just an endless stream of diapers, dishes and laundry. I challenge you to make time for yourself to do something you already really enjoy or take up something new.
I think I might start a local women's cycling group. Beau Brummel is kind of a nay-sayer at this point because he thinks I am spreading myself too thin. But I say, nay to you Beau! Life is for living and I am going to live my brains out.
7 comments:
You go girl! I too believe in babysitters and mental health days (a.k.a. time away from my kids)! I would love to go to some sort of culinary school one day and of course, finish college. Can I work at your cupcakery?
I want to work full time teaching art history and publish my research. I also want to write a children's book.
Yes, dwayne, you can work at the Bay Area branch of my cupcakery.
What kind of children's book CL?
A fantasy book (children's novel) about a magic bag (yes, I know that it sounds kinda lame). I don't have the whole story worked out yet, but there's this girl (about 12) at a summer camp and she's being bullied by these other girls. One day, she finds a bag near her campsite and uses it on a hike. As it turns out, the bag works on faith. If you believe that an object is in the bag, it will be there, but if you don't really believe that its there, then you can't pull it out. I'm still working on the details.
Love the advice and your attitude! I really need to adopt it for myself! Thanks for the challenge!
Hooray for you Opal!
Years ago, before kids, I went through a few weeks when I was in a serious funk. I couldn't seem to get excited about anything. Finally, one day, I sat down and made a list of what makes me feel the most alive. It worked like magic.
I think sometimes it's easy to get lost in the many responsibilities of life and then one day look in the mirror and say "who is that?" This happened to me again this year after a full and wonderful year of homeschooling my children. It was delightful to watch them discover who they are and what they love. As the school year started to wind down, I found myself wondering "What happened to me?" “Where did I go?” I felt like I’d lost some of my old confidence and zest for life. With all the lessons I've taught on world history, literature, poetry, art, music, etc. I realized that losing myself would be the crappiest lesson of all to teach my beautiful, growing daughters.
So, I’m glad to have wonderful, spunky friends who inspire me to be myself. I feel the most alive when I'm making music, backpacking, cooking, biking, hiking, dancing, skinny dipping, hanging out with my husband, driving in the summertime with the windows rolled down listening to music. I also love quieter moments knitting, reading, practicing yoga and walks with my dog.
When my kids are grown or even before, I’d love to become a professional naturalist/environmental educator and wander the hills and fields teaching people about this beautiful world. So much for a master’s in linguistics, eh? I’d also like to take loads of music lessons and sing in cafes with my husband and hike the Pacific Crest Trail and make pottery, and...
Chicken Little, your plot sounds cool! Let me know if you want a read through once it is written. I would totally read that book. Great comments ladies!
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