Lady Doctor

If anyone is uncomfortable talking about women's reproductive health please look away right now . . . 

OK, I warned you.

So I have been skipping 2 or 3 periods at a time and then having one long old horrible heavy period for a month. It really sucks! So I went to my lady doctor (who happens to be a lady) and was chatting with her about it today. 

She told me I should consider endometrial oblation which is where they take out your lining, but she said I couldn't have any more kids if I did that. That sounded way too scary to me. I don't mind have regular periods, just the super-heavy-housebound-for-a-month kind. She also suggested an IUD, but I have too many friends and family members who have had trouble with theirs and I don't like the idea of something foreign taking up residence in an area I like to keep vacant most of the time. She told me she has had a lot of complaints of weight gain from women who get the depo shot. Hmmm . . . all less than ideal or downright crappy.

What I want to do is start taking birth control pills to have more regular and hopefully lighter periods and also clear up this pesky adult acne I can't seem to shake. I have seen tons of ads for YAZ with its catchy "we're not gonna take it" music and wanted to try that. LD said it is one of the best pills out there for stabilizing hormones and controlling acne, but that some insurance companies won't pay for it. She gave me a prescription for Yaz and also for a generic pill. 

LD renewed my prescription for a medication that will stop the bleeding if my current period goes on for more than 7 days. 

As a bonus, I got a Pap smear (after the nurse told me I didn't need one since I had one 11 months ago). I do have to give Lady Doctor props for being thorough. But dang it! I hate getting Pap smears, I always feel kind sore inside afterwards. Lady Doctor also had me get an ultrasound. It would have been very relaxing with the dim lighting and 3 cd player on the wall that changed colors every few minutes (I was mesmerized by that thing) and the warm jelly on my belly, but I did have to drink 32 ounces of water 2 1/2 hours prior to my appointment and then hold my pee through the ultrasound. I thought that was a uncomfortable, but then I got a real treat . . . a transvaginal ultrasound to determine if I had polyps or cysts on my uterus that might be causing the bleeding. That machine looked like a really space age dildo and felt just as creepy as it looked. Oh, and I had to insert it myself. It just doesn't make sense to me that a doctor can stick a speculum, or as I call it, the pinchy duck, in you or gloved fingers, but make you put a transvaginal ultrasound probe in yourself. I was so stunned that I laughed. I felt kind of dirty. Ugh!

Later on, my husband was kind of testing the waters and I said, "I think I've had enough vaginal invasion today, thanks anyway." (I just growled when he suggested we just fool around.) Oh, to be a man and actually be comfortable with your nether regions. 

How can I come to terms with my lady parts? I am tired of all the trouble they are causing. I am sick of their fragility. Bleh! I'm just plain sick of being a woman. How did you all come to terms with visiting the LD, having sex, episiotomies and all that vagina crap? Right now I feel exactly the opposite of the song I Love Being a Girl. The best part of having a vagina is that it brought my kids into the world, with that important job completed I would now like my V to retire in the country somewhere pleasant and far away and return only when I am in the mood (very rarely).