So I have noticed that I seem to only have LDS friends that I actually do stuff with. I am starting to dislike this a lot since it seems like I have to be around a particular person who has a grating personality. Last night she completely hogged the conversation and said very rude and also ridiculous things (these are only the highlights):
1. She started talking about late term miscarriages in the presence of someone who is 8 months pregnant.
2. She said that she was living her religion to the fullest because she did not finish college and decided to concentrate on having babies. She also said that she can't understand women who choose to work.
3. She spilled several sensitive secrets about people that were not in attendance.
4. She would not stop talking, even when we jokingly asked her to let us get a word in edgewise.
The other crazy part of it is that whenever she said something inappropriate or rude the other people would laugh out loud or give each other "is she for real?" looks and she did not notice or change her behavior in any way. I was so annoyed with her that I ended up unwisely venting to other people about her bad behavior afterwards and then my doing that was my own bad behavior (mean gossip!). I feel like a terrible person because I really don't care for her company, but end up seeing her ALL the time because:
1. We go to the same church and so . . .
2. Besides seeing her Sundays, I also see her at every women's activity sponsored by my church.
3. We have three children the same ages who like to play together and so . . .
4. We end up trading babysitting frequently because we are in a babysitting co-op together and are the only ones with more than two children.
5. We have the same circle of friends and our town is really small so we end up spending a lot of time in each other's company whether I initially choose to or not.
I really feel like I need some space from her, but I don't want to be mean and I don't want to be cliquey. I also feel like if I want to see my other friends I can't avoid seeing her too. I was so frustrated today that my husband actually started trying to make a list of friends for me to hang out with who don't know her.
Does anyone have any passive suggestions for easing this person out of my daily life?
Wiki-how had this advice, which I mostly found funny, but too mean to try.
She is so clueless to the fact that she ruins social situations with her constant nonsensical chatter (ie. movie night where she talked so much we couldn't hear the movie) that she actually called me today and asked me if I wanted to meet her for lunch after our horrific evening last night and asked me to babysit for her tomorrow!
Any words of wisdom? Has anyone had a similar situation?
I know I am mean. I accept that about myself. I can't be Sally Sunshine all the time.
4 comments:
I'm sorry that you've got a very insensitive unselfaware (I know that's not a word) person in your life who seems to be there all of the time. I like Beau Brummel's idea of spending some time with other friends who don't know her - space is a really good thing and may help you to tolerate her better when you do see her. Good luck!
My ideas:
Move back to California ( I particularly like this one for selfish reasons ;)
Move back to Utah
Move back to England
Move to a different ward/stake
Try to make more friends outside of church
Suddenly become very busy when she asks you to do things. Most people will get tired of trying after awhile and stop inviting. That way, you only have to put up with her on Sundays.
I can relate to having the annoying "friend" in the group whose personality is grating. Some people really are self-unaware. You could try (politely) calling her out on things like talking about late term misccariage in the presence of a pregnant woman by saying something like "If I was pregnant like, ________, it would freak me out if you were saying this. Let's change the topic to horrible labor stories instead." Or some other more appropriate topic.
Good luck and vent only to your husband!
It sounds like she is a necessary evil in your life. I would just start being less available to babysit and hang out. It is ok to only invite a few friends or one friend to do something. You don't always have to include this girl, especially if she is as rude and uncouth as she sounds. Hang in there. I wish we lived closer so we could hang out instead:(
HOLY COW! I had a friend JUST like that (I think you knew her, too) and I never had the heart to tell her to get lost. It took her moving away to get out of it. I totally know how you feel. I eventually had to start making up excuses as to why I couldn't do things with her. In fact, Guy Noir let me "blame" him a lot and tell her that he didn't want me to do certain things (even though it was always MY decision). It was difficult, though, because she was VERY needy and really clueless. Good luck.
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